The holidays seem to bring up all sorts of thoughts, anticipations, feelings, expectations. I learned a long time ago when I was perhaps 10 that we don't always get what we want out of the Day. As I aged and had children, my kid's father always had to out do me in the gift department. I bought small appropriate gifts for my then nearly 1 year old son Tim he bought the kid a bike, a wagon and I can't remember what else but it was too old for the kid.
Even after we divorced Christmas was always way too much and he and his new wife demanded much of the holiday.
Then I remarried and had to deal with Mark's ex. She's remarried and has money, even as adults the boys get way too much from her.
I don't care, seriously I don't. Christmas is not about the stuff. It's about the people. My children were here yesterday, my son minus his future wife, she was with her mother. Only leaving town after I sent her with 2 boxes of anti anxiety tea. This stuff has got me through many a holiday.
The older two stepsons had brought the kids over on Christmas Eve. They made it here at 8:00. Their mother had let another friend have the boys earlier in the day. Again I was ok, I get to see the kids often and I will always be their Grandma Roses.
Yesterday the two older ones made it over for a while. It was nice having my three and those two together. Many laughs were shared by all.
Mark didn't sleep after a night of work and went to bed at 6:30 pm. Then his middle son showed up with his wife, he got huffy that Mark was in bed and left. Mark's 4th kid, clueless son, acknowledged the holiday after Mark called him. The youngest problem son is using his new girlfriend's brother's tragic illness and most likely death to not be with the family. He says she needs him and he's been at the hospital since Monday. Not at work, not at therapy, not anywhere, but using this poor girl and after a trip to Texas in January with her he will come home go back to his old girlfriend and dump her.
Am I upset? no...the holidays brought so much happiness for me that I simply do not have the urge to get involved with my children and their own issues. Like me before them they have to find their own way in life. Maybe they will, maybe they will sit in their own selfish crap forever.
A simple card sent by an old childhood friend's mother made one of the brightest moments in my holiday. She simply told me she loved me and was proud of what I had become.
It's the little things...