Friday, January 16, 2009

change...

Hubby's out trucking. Liz is out, the stepsons next door are hibernating and have kept the babies in.

Leaves time for me to sip tea, and ponder...

Now that we have all settled in here at blog ville, I have noticed that I have met many new people. I lost a few during the switch, found some old friends, and picked up new ones. Some have had changes in their lives, made me think about my own life, my first journal entry was the summer of 2004.

Have I changed since those days?? Seem most days I feel like all I do is bitch about kids, mine and everybody else's, or drivers, or my job, or my husband or morons, or the weather!!!

My first entries were about my fears, I was deathly afraid of being broke and not being able to pay my bills, or homeless, or jobless, or worse, my husband's ex was going to steal the kid's love, or worse them from me! My kids were all going to be saints and go far in life ... none of these boogie men have found me these past 4 and 1/2 years. We both have jobs, two each, my bills get paid eventually and I still have a roof over my head, I've made deals with mortgage companies, the utilities, the credit card companies, the ex is getting old and is too tired most days to even have the kids more than a few hours, the kids are getting older, making mistakes and learning, hubby's kids are not criminals and mine are no where near saints. They are all like us, growing up in a weird weird time.

For 2009 I decided to let my kids go...let them grow up and make mistakes just like I did...love them, care for them...but quit worrying so much about how they turn out. It's not my job...

My faith is grown...like my mom job, it's not my job to worry so much about what happens to me, worry only wastes time, precious time that some day I will look back and wish I had worried less...

In years past I felt I did not need friends, I did not maintain my friendships. Today I have friends, we go out to lunch, we hang out, we cry together, we laugh, we pray, we hold each other up in these days of lay offs, sickness and death.

I have changed...I am not that same Rose...

My husband asked me if we would still like each other after the last kid left, I quickly said, "YES!"

This Rose is sure of that!




5 comments:

Indigo said...

Once Skye moved out, more kids moved in of the furry variety. I think as we get older we take stock of what is truly important in our lives. Sounds like the changes you've undergone were all positive. (Hugs)Indigo

Paula said...

Rose you seem to be doing some deep thinking and it all makes good sense.

Claudia's thoughts said...

Just found your journal and I LOVE the quote on your heading. Guess that about sums it up

It is nice to get older and not have the worrys we had when we were young. Are we able to solve the problems better or do we just not let them bother us like we once did? Maybe it is a combination of both. Have a good day and stay warm.

madison said...

I find I keep telling myself to let the boys make their own mistakes. It's hard to let them go that way, especially when you know what the outcome will be. Then it's even harder yet not to say I told you so.

Saltydawg said...

Hey Rose,
Thanks for stopping by my blog, I too struggled with the transition to blogger, but I'm getting used to it slowly.
Your blog is now on my list to follow.
Gaz