Monday, February 9, 2009

I want my mommy...



Anyone who has lost their mother I don't care how old you are still craves her...her touch, her voice, her wisdom...her "I'll fix it", even if she couldn't fix it, you always knew, deep down that everything was going to be all right. My mother died from cancer nearly 10 years ago.

When things get scary...or uncertain, I think of that woman. A woman who through her quiet presence let you know her strength. Years of smoking and too much wine, even though she quit for 5 years, caught up with her. Cancer robbed her life at the young age of 60, many may say it's her own doing, but me as her daughter, and her grandchildren will argue the fact, and say no fair! Even my stepsons mourn her...she treated them with the same love & care as my children.

I wonder as I take over her job as grandma, the matriarch of the brood, am I doing it right? Do I do too much, do I talk when I should listen? I am a lot like my father, I am bold, outspoken, always searching...moving forward...but there are days when I silent the voices the "you're doing it wrong, look at the mess you made" and know that I am doing it just right...

I know she's in heaven and I know she is smiling...keep going kid you're doing fine...I love you...

I miss you too mom...


10 comments:

E-Lo said...

Hi Rose,

I can SO relate to this.
I too, lost my mom to cancer at a young of 69- I miss her terribly, every day.
I'm sure your mom is for sure looking down and saying your doing a great job.
Stay well.

lisa jo said...

sending love and hugs to you....i am sorry she was gone at 60....i have a feeling you have her goodness and MORE inside of you. XO

Paula said...

From knowing you here I would say you are doing right and I bet your Mom would agree. I wish you could have kept her longer Rose.

Lisa said...

Awwww Rose, I think your mom lives on in you because you are a beautiful and caring person, XOXO Lisa

Carlene Noggle said...

I am crying as I read this...I know from the depth of my pain from losing my daddy how the hole in your heart can never be filled...and though my mother still lives...MY MAMA...the strong woman one who once proteted me...has gone behind the dark cloud of alsheimers...and I already miss her so much.
God bless you,
love,
carlene

FrankandMary said...

You are doing it right. Even for Mrs H(mostly-she's a hard one) you are doing it right! I think sometimes our appetite for self-ridicule(excuse Mary while she projects her problems on to you
:-0) is too well developed.
You are doing it as right as you can with what everyone is giving you to work with. ~Mary

Lisa said...

What a lovely entry about your mom Rose. I know you must miss her. I also know from reading your journal that you are a wonderful mother.
Lisa

Jeanne said...

Same things hold true for dads. I lost mine almost 9 years ago...he was only 62. WAAAAY too young and cancer took him too. What a mean, nasty disease it is.

Your mom raised you well though cause you are such an awesome woman, wife, friend and most importantly, mom. You obviously got all of her greatness!!

((hugs))
Jeanne

Janie said...

Know what you mean. Lost my mother Dec. 27th 2005 GGGrandson born Dec. 18th and she hung on that long. Miss her! God Bless and hugs, Janie

JOHNSWORLD08 said...

Rose.
Your story about your Mom really touched my heart.I lost my Mom July10th 2005.Her heart couldnt take it after having her appendance taken out.Sometimes the pain is so strong I just want to curl up in a ball and not move. Lost Dad June 20th 2008. Heart attack. And my three sisters in the last nine years,One to cancer.I Dont mean to sound so depressing. I am doing well.God has helped me thru the tought times. Thank you for all your comments on my blog.I always look forward to what you have to say
JOHN